last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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