I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
