So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
