Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
