you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
