I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
