i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
