yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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