Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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