I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
