I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
