We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
