so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
