We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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