Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
