I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
