everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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