one two three fourrrrnication!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
