i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
