Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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