Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
