my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
