I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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