She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize