So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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