better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
