i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
