in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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