I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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