Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
