Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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