All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
