I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize