i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
