maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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