I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
