I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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