it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
