i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
