I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i believe in u and ur pee
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
