I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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