he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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