I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
