Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
