I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
