my mouth tastes like poor choices
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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