I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
