I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
