I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
