Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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