I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
