my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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