if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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