Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
