I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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