So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
